Il n'y a rien d'autre a faire

You know what really sucks? Being a hopeless romantic and trying to live life as if you aren't.

Sure, sex is great. Sex is fun. Sharing a bed with someone can cure loneliness for some time. But then you have to go home and lay in your own bed, alone. And tell yourself that the person you just shared an intimate moment with is never going to love you. Or that at least you know they certainly don't care to right now.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who goes out, knowing I'll have sex with someone, and tell myself the whole time "it's just sex, it's just sex- don't fall for this guy." And then spend the whole next day replaying things in my head, analyzing the way he touched me, the things he said... surely there must be something about me he likes besides my body. No?

Wouldn't it be nice, to have sex and love, all at once... I would even settle for sex and like.

And the best part is, that even when I'm trying to have someone take me seriously, they go and buy me dinner and sit on the opposite side of the couch and act like complete gentlemen. Then it's like my pants immediately come off, without consent from my mind and heart. I suck at being abstinent, at being that serious, hard-to-get girl guys seem to fall for.

So I guess I'll keep up the late night rendez-vous and I'll keep telling my heart "it's just sex, it's just sex- don't fall for this guy."

Il n'y a rien d'autre a faire.

Mr. Gee

So in my search of love, I have at last found myself in the world of online dating.

"Are you crazy? Do you want do die?," asked one of my friends. While I can't say I'm ready for the afterlife, I am getting tired of living this life alone. Although I do not think that online dating immediately confers on one making a choice between death or everlasting love, if it did, I think I'd risk dying to find it. The more-present-than-ever bitter side of me thinks this is pathetic. But the romantic part of me tells it to shut the hell up and points to my last date as evidence that perhaps online dating isn't so bad, or not nearly as scary and crazy, as some of my girlfriends might think...

As always, I won't call him by name. Except for his last name, because I cannot resist: Gee.

His last name is Gee. Geeeee!!!!

Pimping.

But really, last name aside, this guy was surprisingly nice. There wasn't any weird silences and we both had a pretty laid back attitude when it came to making decisions- "do you want to share the prosciutto arugula salad? The pizza with or without artichoke hearts? " There were no compromises, no rejections- "sure, it sounds good." I like a guy who won't say no to artichokes. And who lets me pick the wine.

After one bottle of wine, we decided... why not have another? Typical.

So we found ourselves a nice, plush booth in a lovely wine bar and downed back another bottle of Malbec. [Rhyming here not intentional]. We laughed, talked about inappropriate things that people on first dates usually don't talk about, and made out like teenagers in his car before saying goodnight.

I know people have rules about certain things- don't talk about politics or religion at the table, don't hook up on the first date, etc, etc... but really, the theme of the night was do what feels right for you at the time.

I don't know whether or not I'll see Mr. Gee again. But it felt right to kiss him on the first date, and it felt right to tell him things about myself I usually don't tell some of my closest friends. He might not be the love of my life, but he was a damn good first date.

So to all current, hopeful and future online daters- courage! There are some crazy people online, but aren't there crazy people everywhere? If you're lucky, you might just meet someone to share some nice conversation with and a delicious bottle of Malbec.

So cheers to that!