I know how weird and creepy that might sound, but does it help if I mention that he added me as a friend on facebook since we would, in a few months, be attending law school together?
Ok, fine. It still sounds creepy.
He seemed, at first, to be a good candidate for a potential lover, maybe even something more serious down the long run- an impressive history of prior education and work, good looking (at least from what I could tell from his photos), and witty, as I soon discovered through facebook chat. He initially sent me a message saying he was looking forward to meeting me and attending school together... it had a flirtatious tone, which I was not one to ignore. I flirted back and kept on flirting until we were finally in the same city, about to embark on one crazy journey as 1L's.
I was hesitant to get physical with him because we would be attending school together... but once we spent our first night out with each other, it was hard to deny the chemistry between us. And lust has a funny way of hiding all those first signals you should interpret as dangerous, like his propensity to act like he was the best at everything- almost as if to overcompensate for other things...
Our first kiss, I'm sure, was a lot longer than the usual "good-night-it-was-nice-to-have-finally-met-you" kiss and more along the lines of "please-take-my-clothes-off-now". Needless to say, it didn't take long until I found myself in his apartment, after a night of drinking, with the looming question of where I would be spending the night over our heads... Ok, so it wasn't much of a question at that point. But at least I like to think I played it that way.
After some more middle school make out sessions, things got more heated. I unbuttoned his pants and reached my hand down to get an idea of what I was dealing with, when I heard him say the most inappropriate, horrifying thing I have heard to this day:
"So, what do you think?"
Did he really want to know what I thought? Because I was flabbergasted at how small his magic wand was. I did not even know how to handle it, exactly, because never before had I encountered one that size. Did I just treat it like the others? Or did it need some sort of special handling? But mostly, what I was thinking was: are you kidding me? God makes penises this small?!
Apparently he does.
Mr. Fun Size surprisingly turned out to be great in bed. I guess he had to learn the right moves to compensate for his small size. Although he must not have a clue of how small he is if he is going around asking women what they think of the size of his member. I'd like to think I was the only person he has asked that horrifying question to- but I really doubt it.
Unfortunately, his bedroom skills did not compensate for the fact that he was a jerk, however, and we stopped seeing each other soon after Halloween. Ironically, by that point, too many of his masks had come undone to make him appear even remotely attractive.
So this one goes out to you, Mr. Fun Sized!
I hope that wherever you are, for your sake, and that of your next prey, you've realized how tiny your penis really is.
No love,
Gia
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